Wishing Hobbit Two a Happy 9th Birthday today!!! This crazy gamer is growing up way to fast!!! I don’t like it!!!
This is always a crazy weekend here in our house as it involves back to school, my birthday, and our youngest birthday. My amazing wife navigates the weekend like a warrior in a minefield bending over backwards to make each day special and meaningful.
This week I had the following question asked to me by friend Gretchen (who gave me permission to use it as a blog post). I’ll be honest; I’ve had a hard time answering it. Right now, I’m on vacation. It’s early, the cabin is quiet, and I’m enjoying a nice hot cup of coffee while I write this. There are some people out there who will try to get you to buy a course on Work-Life Balance. But the truth is, save your money. Work / Life Balance is all bull.
Part of the reason I hate this phrase is that it is basically saying one of the two is negative. Either your work life is negative, or your life at home is negative. So to achieve happiness, you need to balance them, so one doesn’t interfere with the other.
We’re taught don’t let home life negatively affect our work, and for goodness’ sake, don’t let the work life negatively affect your home life. The problem is we’re conditioned to compartmentalize everything and become actors staring in different plays at different times of the day. No wonder our mental health is so jacked up in this country.
The truth is that’s all BS, and there are a ton of people who spend thousands each year trying to find balance.
Newsflash: Balance doesn’t exist because it’s all one thing- LIFE.
Work is the reason I get up in the morning at 5:30 am. Family is the reason I come home. Hobbies are the reason I can disconnect and breathe. Each has its ups, downs, and stresses, but in the end, it’s just life.
Listen…
I have failed as a leader at work.
I have failed as an author.
I have failed as a friend.
I have failed as a father.
And I have failed as a husband.
You learn how to do it all as you go. But that still doesn’t answer the question- how do I blog, podcast, be an effective leader in the workplace, be present with my kids, write stories, love my wife, garden, game, and watch shows?
I’m not sure I do all of this all the time. It may appear that way, but I try to be proactive in my approach. Sitting the phone down at night to focus on my wife and kids is hard. It’s a challenge. I have to be proactive at it. I have to make it a habit to place it on silent and on the mantle. Why silent? Because if someone calls and they need to get a hold of me, they can leave a message. It’s that simple. I also turn notifications off. That has been an enormous help. I don’t see a notification unless I click on the app.
As far as podcasting and writing go, I make time because I love doing it. The podcast started for my sanity. I don’t talk about politics, religion, or current events online. One- Those conversations are not crucial to me. Two- I find them boring because it’s the same people making the same tiring arguments from both sides. Three- They always turn toxic, and honestly, they are very uncreative discussions.
So the podcast birthed out of myself and my friends just wanting to have fun geeky conversations without all the mess of toxic fandoms.
Regarding writing- 90% of all my writing is done on my phone or iPad. A large portion of my blog is written in my WordPress Jetpack app.
Being a Dad who writes, I don’t have the luxury of waiting for the perfect mood or setting for the muse to hit. I have to go. If that means I’m writing Iggy & Oz at a stop light, checkout line, or Doctors office, I do it. If something is important to you, you do it. That’s how I feel about blogging and writing stories. You make it work. It’s not about balance.
Everything else. Gardening, playing video games and watching my favorite shows. I don’t do those things every day. But I do them and find time to do them because I love doing them.
You don’t have to block out huge chunks at a time. Ten minutes here or there is all it takes. I may read only a chapter a day or consume mostly audiobooks, but I make time for the things I love.
I don’t scroll endlessly on TikTok, Instagram, Or Twitter anymore. Sure, I show up, but it’s in little spurts here and there. Heck, YouTube has become my social media of choice, and 90% of all my Social Media posts are in my IG stories or me sharing a blog post.
It’s hard to find time to do everything in life, and there are things I give up. But at the end of the day, when you enjoy doing something because it’s a challenge or makes you happy, you find the time.
Recently my wife has been experimenting with charcuterie boards and making snack trays for birthdays or when we have friends over. One thing I’ve always enjoyed is Smoked Cheese and crackers. So, I’ve decided to attempt smoking cheese- a new hobby. Or, a disaster, it’s yet to be determined
The first batch seems to of turned out well. I did three types of cheese. Colby jack, Sharp Cheddar, and a White Sharp Cheddar. I wanted to do some Gouda but they didn’t have any blocks.
The method was simple. Find a large disposal aluminum tray and fill it with ice.
Next place the cheese on either toothpicks or a small wire rack, and place it in a smaller tray. A tray that will fit nicely into the larger iced tray.
Smoke on a low heat at around 150 to 200. After one hour, flip the cheese, add some more ice if necessary, and smoke for another hour.
Last, wrap the cheese in parchment paper and place in the fridge for at least 48 hours.
Simple method, and probably the cheapest thing I’ve ever smoked.
So smoking cheese- A new hobby? Most likely.
Some days I wonder if I’m getting old. I once enjoyed my coffee, all fixed up with different types of foam, syrup, and creamers. You know, the ones with those fancy names made by baristas I’m not cool enough to run in circles with. These days I much prefer a simple coffee, one that feels a little less chaotic.
I’ve discovered it has a much better and more refined taste when dumbed down. Even my coffee mugs seem simple. I now prefer an old plain diner mug to the one loaded with words and crazy graphics.
Maybe I’m getting boring.
Maybe I’m just a little reminiscent or enjoy specific memories. Like those of my grandmother sitting at a kitchen table with her Bible opened and a mug of coffee, adding nothing but just a touch of half and half.
Or maybe I prefer simplicity in my life now. I’m not sure. Maybe I’m exactly what some reading this are thinking – He’s strange.
I’ve cut my time back on social media to only a few calculated minutes here and there, trying to escape the noise, returning to a more straightforward method of just blogging my thoughts.
Simplicity, I think, might be my word for the year, which is weird to say because I’ve never considered making a word my word for the year. Yet here I am doing the very thing I’ve mocked or thought to be stupid in the past.
One thing is for sure. I’ve hit a level of productivity and production I haven’t seen in a year, and a lot of it has to do with cutting out the toxic, the chaos, and the noise that endlessly surrounds us.
Simplicity- it isn’t easy to achieve but necessary to endure.
Maybe some people are right. Perhaps I am just a little strange after all.
Maybe, That’s okay
5 things dads should never teach their kids to do. Okay, I’m sure there are way more than five. Every wife probably has a secret list of habits or quirks they hope their children never pick up from their father. It’s likely a hopeless endeavor.
Since I have two young Hobbits (ages 10 and 8), I decided to put together my list of strange behaviors I should not teach my kids.
1. Leave Stinky Socks and Underwear on the Bathroom Floor
Have you ever smelled a sweaty child’s feet? There is nothing worst than that smell. Okay, maybe vomit, but sweaty kid’s feet are up there. I would take a pasture full of cow manure over sweaty kid’s feet. It was on my list of things I couldn’t stand last week.
I grew up in locker rooms. So I’m fully aware of the grotesque smell that most high school boys endure after a grueling practice. But with the smell of sweaty socks and underwear, there is something different.
When you pick it up, the smell transfers to your hands. A whole bottle of hand soap later, you still have a lingering odor on your fingertips.
As a single guy, I’d leave a collection of socks and underwear on the bath mat. Every day when I hopped in the shower, it would sit there. Often it would stay there until laundry day came around. If the pile got too big, you kicked it to the side.
I can only imagine my wife’s shock when she learned this about me. I will admit, though, that I have broken the habit. What can I say? After 19 years, I’ve been fully domesticated.
Yet, I’ve noticed this same habit developing in my kids. This concerns me as they slowly begin to move into teenagers.
2. Try to Outsmart the GPS
Okay, my wife will tell you that this is still a weakness of mine. I’ll admit it most likely is. I have a terrible habit of thinking I know the quicker route. I’m the king of the backroads. Typically when we’re about a half-an-hour late or wind up stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic, I’ll quietly confess my wife and the GPS were right.
3. Leave a Display of Toenail Clippings on the Coffee Table
Now, full disclaimer. I don’t do this. But man, my Dad did. Sorry, Dad. It’s true. It never failed, we would be in the living room watching some old black-and-white science-fiction movie, and Dad would sit there and clip his toenails. And, oh yeah, my Dad’s feet were anything but properly pedicured. So the toenails Dad left out were those narely, twisted-looking ones. He’d leave them in a pile on the coffee table for the world to see like some proud trophy. Yep, disgusting. I hope my kids never earn this trait.
4. Fart in Public
We’ve all been there. Usually, it’s after some big meal that’s left us bloated and tired. It just slips out. We try to be stealthy about it. We glance around and quietly let it squeeze out as we recall all our kegel exercises. But one of two things happens. Either the deathly stench begins to choke everyone around, or there is a slight tremor and what we thought was silent is loud enough to shake the walls. And if your in an elevator with females, you’re just toast. Passing gas in public is a big no, no.
5. Put Clean Dishes Away in Random Places
Do you want to know how to annoy your spouse or teach your kids how to do the same? Especially boys. Here it is. How many times have I gone through kitchen orientation? To many. Listen, if our house is unorganized, it’s most likely because I put things away. I tend to toss stuff in a spot that looks free and out of the way, only to forget where I placed it later.
You might as well be looking for the Ark of the Covenant if you’re looking for something specific after I’ve put the dishes away. I will admit I get the main items right. It’s usually the small odd and end things I mess up.
Of course, I’m all joking (Maybe). But in all honesty, there are several things we could add to this list. These are only 5 things dads should never teach their kids to do. What else could one add to such a list?
What say you?
