I wake up before the house stirs. The superintendent sends a text saying, “School is canceled for ice.” This is the third day. The cat darts past me to the back door, where he paws until I let him outside. I fix my coffee and scroll through social media while I wait for my only drug of choice to brew. I’m not too fond of the habit and wish I could break it. I’m speaking of checking social media first thing in the morning, not my coffee. I see a post from an author friend in a writer’s group, “I want to Quit Writing. Please talk me out of it.” I identify with this statement. I’ve said the same thing.
I have a few words bouncing around in my head. Words of encouragement others have shared with me. Sometimes these words help, and sometimes they seem good. Sometimes they sting.
The coffee still brews, but the smell alone is waking me up. I open my notes and write a line that doesn’t feel right. What came out on the screen was not as good as what was in my head. That happens from time to time. The coffee has finished. I drink a cup and head to the shower, where I think on it some more.
Today, I’ll blog about wanting to quit writing. I will make it simple and honest. The truth is there is nothing simple about the work we do. It’s frustrating and painful. At times it feels pointless. However, it is honest. Writing makes us confront most truths, all but one, and that’s the truth most writers prefer to avoid. It is that the industry is not always right, nor is it fair.
Most writers feel they won’t measure up. Insecurity sits perched upon our shoulders like a blasted tumor we can’t eradicate. Before too long, we realize we compete with an oversaturated market, algorithms, and other endless amounts of noise. We ask ourselves a thousand questions…
“No one cares about my stories.”
“No one is going to buy my book and read this.”
“Maybe I’m wasting my time.”
“Maybe I’m too old to get a book deal.”
“I should give up. I wasted so much of my time and money.”
Yet, amid these questions, a story still lingers, calling to us from the fog, urging us to sit and write it.
I’ve learned a few truths after struggling with anxiety over the past year. Publishing is often tricky. Competition is often unfair. Social Media is sometimes abusive. And when we measure our self-worth as authors by a lack of success in these three areas, we begin to think that maybe, we won’t make it.
I’ve said these things. I have quit and walked away. But here is the last truth I have learned and why I return every time. And I’ll leave you with this:
Writing brings me joy. What about you?
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