Early this morning, as I made my way through a dark house, preparing for an early morning run, my bare feet found what no father desires to experience. A lego was left out, lying in the shadows, waiting to attack my bare feet. 

The night before, I had cleaned the house, or thought I had. I soon found myself listing not one, not two, but three and four things lying around, mocking me as my annoyance grew. *I may be uptight at times.

But that got me thinking! What are some things I can’t handle? My Seven biggest pet peeves! So here you go. 

1- Smacking

Have you ever had lunch, dinner, or even coffee and donuts with someone who smacks? Ugh, it drives me nuts. I seriously have to look away. I keep thinking if I don’t, I will see strings of saliva connecting from the roof of their mouth to the bottom. It’s one of the grossest things ever. 

2- Bad Breath

Nothing is better than when one of your kids crawls into bed for an early morning snuggle! But that all changes the moment they breathe on you. But these moments are bearable. After all, these are our kids. But there are others. We all know those people in life. The ones who can’t seem to speak to you unless they are right up in your face. Why are these the ones that always have that raunchy breath? It’s like a cult or secret society or something, and they are keeping score to see which one gets smacked first. (Note: I have never hit someone with bad breath.)

3- Smelly Kids Socks & Feet

I don’t understand my kid’s feet. There is something about a child’s feet after a long hot, sunny day. It’s not noticeable at first. It’s subtle, a little stealthy. But when the shoes come off and the socks are stripped, man alive the stench that follows is one of the few things a man should never have to experience. And the clammy film that covers them! I’m scared to death to touch a child’s stinky feet. Please work with me here. Think about everything that foot has touched. Socks! Yeah, that stinks too. And what about the shoe? Not even the layer of protection the sock provides was enough to keep it safe from exposure. So yeah, smelly kid’s socks and feet. A big ugh! 

4- Cat Vomit

I can handle kids’ vomit. No biggie. I’m worried about getting it cleaned up and helping them. I can even take dog vomit. Because dogs usually go back and lick most of it up, there is very little to clean. But cat vomit? It’s a weird mixture of vomit, undigested food, and clumps of cat hair. Nothing is more grotesque than walking through the house and stepping barefoot in cat vomit. 

5- Mushrooms

This has been a source of conflict in our marriage. My wife loves mushrooms. I can’t do it. I’ve tried. Maybe it’s the texture, but it initiates my gag reflexes fast. It feels like a slimy oyster sliding down my throat. Note: I also can’t handle oysters, but that’s a different discussion.

6- Crumbs in my Bed

The one thing my kids do that drives me batty is eating chips, popcorn, or cookies in bed—specifically, our bed on my side. There is nothing more annoying than lying down to sleep and feeling tiny crumbs clamoring to your back. It’s like sleeping in a bed of sand. 

7- Unclogging the toilet

I need to specify the kid’s toilet after they have gone to the bathroom and decided to flush a half roll of toilet paper down the drain with whatever other items are now floating freely and about to flow over the top. If you’re wearing shorts, beware, there is a splash zone. If you happen to be barefoot, your toast. 

Okay, so there are a few things I can’t handle. I try not to be high maintenance, but I do have my limits. 

Is there anything you can’t handle? What’s on your list?