Not all ideas, are good ideas! But nothing really starts out as a bad idea. They just start out as ideas.
Yep, that’s my shower. It’s had a hair clog, and me being me decided to play it safe and try to find an alternative to Drano. Mainly, drano isn’t the best to use on your pipes.
So me being me researched some different methods. The baking soda and white vinegar caught my eye. I figured, shoot this will be easy.
A few hours later and I have a bigger clog than before and I’ve now bought some drano. Yes, I’m having a bad night and haven’t been using the Christian cuss words.
Every time I start a new draft of a new story, my self-doubt kicks in. It sits on my shoulder, quietly whispering- “This is the worst thing ever. Why do you even bother?”
No matter how many readers you have, no matter how many sales, or awards you bring home, the voice is there.
Every writer hears it. A writer that says they don’t need a little ego check, or they’re a liar. Tuning the voice out is more manageable over time, but he is there stalking us, waiting to leap up at us.
I call my stalker Shadow. Because usually, that’s when he appears. When I find myself isolated and alone and no longer surrounded by encouragement, Shadow is there, mocking me thru bad reviews. Shadow causes me to doubt the story; he causes me to quit for days, weeks, and maybe even months.
I wrote words today, and they were crappy. And Shadow is trying to remind me that they won’t get any better.
John 10:10 says that “A thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy…”
Shadow is the thief. He steals my joy, my love for storytelling, and my desire to see people moved by the stories I tell.
Shadow wants to kill my momentum. He doesn’t want me to share anything about finding freedom in Christ. My personal story is the most powerful story I can tell. Christ gave me that story. Shadow wants to kill any chance of that story coming alive in the stories I spin on a page.
Shadow wants to destroy my career. He wants me to give up, walk away, say I’m finished, and never set down to wrestle with the characters again.
Self-doubt isn’t always a spiritual struggle. But sometimes, we fight with Shadow, not knowing how to escape his watchful eye.
Thankfully we sing praises to the one “who comes to give life, a better life than you ever dreamed of.”
That doesn’t mean it will be easy. Sometimes it’s hard. And we need to write thru the hard.
I wrote words today, and they were crappy.
And that’s Okay!
P.S. Be sure to pre-order from friend B.L. Dean’s new Space Opera series coming soon. Click Here
This week’s audiobook is “Travel By the Bullet” by John Scalzi. This is a short quick bite (not quite 4 hrs). If you’re looking for an intro to Scalzi’s work and style of writing, I think this series is an excellent place to jump in.
Set in a near future where something has changed, and now when someone is murdered, they come back to life. This brings us to Tony Valdez, a professional Dispatcher. True to their name, these licensed assassins are tasked with humanely disposing of people in death’s crosshairs to offer them a second chance at avoiding the reaper.
Narrated by Zachary Quinto, it’s an amazing listen if you have a quick commute!
Early this morning, as I made my way through a dark house, preparing for an early morning run, my bare feet found what no father desires to experience. A lego was left out, lying in the shadows, waiting to attack my bare feet.
The night before, I had cleaned the house, or thought I had. I soon found myself listing not one, not two, but three and four things lying around, mocking me as my annoyance grew. *I may be uptight at times.
But that got me thinking! What are some things I can’t handle? My Seven biggest pet peeves! So here you go.
1- Smacking
Have you ever had lunch, dinner, or even coffee and donuts with someone who smacks? Ugh, it drives me nuts. I seriously have to look away. I keep thinking if I don’t, I will see strings of saliva connecting from the roof of their mouth to the bottom. It’s one of the grossest things ever.
2- Bad Breath
Nothing is better than when one of your kids crawls into bed for an early morning snuggle! But that all changes the moment they breathe on you. But these moments are bearable. After all, these are our kids. But there are others. We all know those people in life. The ones who can’t seem to speak to you unless they are right up in your face. Why are these the ones that always have that raunchy breath? It’s like a cult or secret society or something, and they are keeping score to see which one gets smacked first. (Note: I have never hit someone with bad breath.)
3- Smelly Kids Socks & Feet
I don’t understand my kid’s feet. There is something about a child’s feet after a long hot, sunny day. It’s not noticeable at first. It’s subtle, a little stealthy. But when the shoes come off and the socks are stripped, man alive the stench that follows is one of the few things a man should never have to experience. And the clammy film that covers them! I’m scared to death to touch a child’s stinky feet. Please work with me here. Think about everything that foot has touched. Socks! Yeah, that stinks too. And what about the shoe? Not even the layer of protection the sock provides was enough to keep it safe from exposure. So yeah, smelly kid’s socks and feet. A big ugh!
4- Cat Vomit
I can handle kids’ vomit. No biggie. I’m worried about getting it cleaned up and helping them. I can even take dog vomit. Because dogs usually go back and lick most of it up, there is very little to clean. But cat vomit? It’s a weird mixture of vomit, undigested food, and clumps of cat hair. Nothing is more grotesque than walking through the house and stepping barefoot in cat vomit.
5- Mushrooms
This has been a source of conflict in our marriage. My wife loves mushrooms. I can’t do it. I’ve tried. Maybe it’s the texture, but it initiates my gag reflexes fast. It feels like a slimy oyster sliding down my throat. Note: I also can’t handle oysters, but that’s a different discussion.
6- Crumbs in my Bed
The one thing my kids do that drives me batty is eating chips, popcorn, or cookies in bed—specifically, our bed on my side. There is nothing more annoying than lying down to sleep and feeling tiny crumbs clamoring to your back. It’s like sleeping in a bed of sand.
7- Unclogging the toilet
I need to specify the kid’s toilet after they have gone to the bathroom and decided to flush a half roll of toilet paper down the drain with whatever other items are now floating freely and about to flow over the top. If you’re wearing shorts, beware, there is a splash zone. If you happen to be barefoot, your toast.
Okay, so there are a few things I can’t handle. I try not to be high maintenance, but I do have my limits.
Is there anything you can’t handle? What’s on your list?
After giving away a part of yourself to a place for fifteen years, you eventually come to a crossroads where you realize moving on is for the best. My wife quit her job a little over two weeks ago. It wasn’t something we planned or expected, but it was for the best.
For her, she’ll be happier. She’ll be better regarding her emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental health. These are all things that have been neglected or sacrificed in recent years.
I don’t want to talk about it, and it’s best not to write about it. Some won’t like what I have to say. So, I’ll state it like this. My wife has picked up her “baggage,” so no one else has to worry about it. She has grabbed her “box” and is taking a new step toward a better life.
I’m proud of her. I’m proud of her courage to say no. I’m pleased she had the fight left to say: I’m done.
