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I Wish I had a TARDIS: Part 2- A Chance to Re-live

tardis-doctor-who

Do you ever have regrets…?

I know I do. There are moments in my life I wish I could just hit the pause button. Take a little time to think about things, then rewind back and re-live all over again. Perhaps I wouldn’t have played G.I. Joes in my grandmother’s attic that resulted in me and a few friends falling through the ceiling causing thousands of dollars in damage. Then there was the time I wrecked my car attempting to ramp it over a small creek with a busted bridge (hey, it worked on the Dukes of HAZARD).

But then there are the more serious moments. Like the day my brother died at the age of 29. I often found myself wishing I could have had that “last” conversation. What would I say? Would I cry because I knew something he didn’t? Could I have the power to travel back and warn him to get off prescription drugs and wash his hands of it all?

It’s time like this where I wish I had a TARDIS. If you have no idea what that is, I invite you to view my previous post or turn on some Dr. Who. At the end of the day I wouldn’t mind the ability to travel back in time and fix all the mistakes I made. I would go back to 1987 and tell my ten year old self to focus on school, focus hard. I would warn myself at the age of 16 that I wasn’t invincible and if it came down to it- I could get hurt.

But would it be worth it. Would it be worth going back and reliving all those painful moments that still eat away at me and make me feel as though I am hopeless? Could I really rid myself of some regrets and the weight of some guilt? Would it change who I am today? But wait, I like who I am.

I’m sure that I could have the chance to find peace with some situations. But I’m not sure I could fathom the idea of changing who I am now.

The road of life is full of crooked paths. Some wander you off in lost directions at times but eventually you discover a new way. I’m not sure I would want to change my past. For to change the past would mean to change the present, and as bad as life may have been for me in the past, the present- Well let’s just say I’m satisfied.

Often in life we tend to look back instead of forward. But what is behind us. The truth is- Nothing. Success is found by focusing on where you want to go. Not where you once were. Some of the best books are memoirs written by those focused on the past. I wonder- Did they move on. Did scattering the words across the page give them strength to turn the page?

Someday I may write about my past. The ups, downs, and pains that I experienced along the way. But someday will only happen when I and we accept that what lies behind is behind for a reason.

 I wish I could change the past. I do. But not at the expense of losing what I have now.

 J.J. Johnson

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I Wish I had a TARDIS Part 1- A Chance to Escape

I need to admit something. I am a HUGE Dr. Who Fan. Would I say I’m a fanatic who watches the show endlessly and gets excited about my disappearing TARDIS coffee mug…? No, not really. But I do love the show.

So, who is The Doctor? Well, that’s a question fifty years in the making. In short . . . very short, The Doctor is a Time Lord, a race of beings from the planet Gallifrey, who developed the means of time travel. The Doctor is a being who travels through time and space, saving the earth and other planets time and time again, offering a merciful justice throughout the universe. The Doctor typically travels with a companion, someone he picks up along the way to teach, to protect, or in some cases, for protection. But what I really want to address today is the Doctor’s ship, the TARDIS.

TARDIS is an acronym for “Time and relative dimension in space.” The TARDIS is part time machine, part space ship, part living being in its own right. One of the most extraordinary things about the TARDIS, apart from the ability to travel through all of time and space, is that it is bigger on the inside than it is on the outside.

I wish I had a TARDIS. Sometimes the business of life simply gets to me. It bogs me down. I feel as if I have event after event going on day by day. I struggle to keep my sanity straight and I get lost in the typical day to day routine. Everything makes me feel as though I’m stuck in deep ruts with no escape. And I want to escape… I want to get away, travel back or forward- I want that chance to move beyond the ordinary and find a balance.

Do you ever feel that way? It seems more and more that’s how life is. When you work full time and try to maintain a writing career it makes you feel as if you don’t have a second for anything else. And the truth is, finding a TARDIS and escaping seems like a good idea. But let’s be honest- It won’t help. Because once you return, you’ll come face to face with those same challenges.

I had a writer friend recently tell me that they were just plum burned out. They were exhausted. They had nothing left to give. Looking at their life I had agree. No wonder they weren’t getting any writing done. No wonder they felt as if they were being crushed under an enormous weight. So I’ve decided I don’t want to get like that. But the truth is- We all, and I mean all, get sucked into the vacuum.

Writing, connecting, staying active on social media- Those are things that are very important to me. But so is my job. My family. My church. My Bible Study time. So are those times when I break a sweat and get fit. I have lot of priorities. I have a lot of things I do each week. So how do I do it…? Simple- I find the balance.

It’s easier said than done I know, but the realization is if you don’t cut, you won’t have the time do focus and be creative. Look at your life. Make a list of what’s important. Decide what can go, and what has to stay. And then, work at balancing it out throughout the week. Here’s my list below- Hope this helps.

What’s Important–
God
Family
Church
Work
Writing
Social Media
Eating right & staying in shape
Reading

What I give up-Watching Baseball
TV Shows
Going to the Movies
Watching Every College Football Game
Watching NFL

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Books that Stuck with Me!!! #ACFW #stories #ASMSG

WOW!!! The past couple weeks have been a nightmare here at home. First my lovely wife was sick with a stomach bug.  She then passed it on to my fifteen month old son, who then passed it on to me. That was bad enough. But let’s fast forward three days and my son gets strep throat. Fast forward four more days and I come down with a sinus / upper respiratory infection. Even tonight as I type this I’m still on antibiotic. Let’s just say the house has been sterilized and deep cleaned.

I hate being sick. But what I hate more than myself being sick is when my son is sick. Nothing makes you more paranoid as a parent then when your child (who can’t talk yet) is down for the count. You feel helpless, because they can’t clearly communicate what the problem is. It makes you want to escape Find that moment where you wish you can pause life and just get lost.

I have had those type of moments all my life. Not just when I’m worried about my son, but when I’m stressed about life in general. And no matter what anyone says we all experience those chapters in life. We search for an answer, anything that can fulfill those few moments of emptiness. Some turn to whatever addiction they may have that helps them fill the longing. I tend to turn to fiction, I mean after all that’s where my addiction is at. Can you see me at a twelve steps meeting….

“Help, My name is JJ and I’m a fiction addict.”

But let’s be honest… Fiction has helped take my mind off things so many times. It’s kept me distracted and allowed me the chance to get refocused.

Now- Let’s not think that I read just when I’m stressed. I don’t… In fact I read all the time. About thirty or forty novels a year. (I’m a slow reader compared to some). But reading is a life line for me, a hobby, something I do because I love the world of stories. If I couldn’t read I’m not certain I would survive.

So with ALL the rant above I must say that there are some stories that have stuck with me over the years. They’ve impacted my life in a way that I will always remember the specific plot details. I may even read them twice, three or four times. They’re that good. You know the ones I’m talking about. They’re the books that leaving shaking your head when you turn the final page. Not because you are in disbelief, but because you realize that you won’t find another one that good for a while.

First up for me- Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson. It seems kind of odd that I would start off with a fantasy novel, but that’s one thing that fantasy allows you to do more than other genre. It provides such an easy escape. I don’t want to go into a lot of detail, but this book can be summed up quite simple: Oceans 11 meets Lord of the Rings.

Second is Watchers by Dean Koontz. This was the first Koontz book I ever read, and without question his best. There are very few sci fi thrillers I have ever read that you know you want to come back and explore. But Watchers is the best. Besides, it made me wish my dog could play scrabble with me…

Third is The Road by Cormac McCarthy. I thought this was such an amazing story. A young father determined to protect his son and travel south to Texas in a post apocalyptic world. Just the pure joy of a father that would do anything to protect the life of the son he loves.

Fourth is A Painted House by John Grisham. Many fans of Grisham hate this book. I’m not sure what it was about this book that stuck with me, but I loved it. I read it, then three days later I went back and re-read it again. I think for me it brought back some pleasant memories of me growing up with my grandmother and grandfather. I highly recommend it to everyone.

Fifth is The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman. I read this book back in September and it very quickly jumped up on my all time list. Just like A Painted House it reminded me of my childhood. Those days when I would block out the world and lose myself in a book. Besides, isn’t it true that stories are safer than people anyway.

So that’s my list of books that stuck with me. There are several others as well, and maybe I’ll share them some other time. But these five- These were something special to me. These gave me that moment to escape….

JJ Johnson- Still escaping.