Superpowers My Children Have

Dear Doctor Marlow-

Over the past four years, it has come to my attention that my children have Super Powers. In fact- I’m apt to believe that all children possess these unique abilities. Please understand how disappointed I am that you chose not to disclose this to me during our many sessions. It seems as though I was to discover this fact of life on my own.

I am quite certain that none of the parenting books you provided ever mentioned the points I’m about to share. Had I known I’m quite sure I would have continued our preparatory meetings.

As it is I have made a list of 6 Super Powers my children have.

1) It seems the little hobbits have a strange snack sensory skill. What is even more alarming is the way in which it is magnified when someone other than them is receiving a said snack. This tidbit of info would have been highly helpful in prepping for budgetary purposes.

2) After learning to crawl, walk, and run- I’ve discovered a Spider-Man like mechanism that has been triggered. Everything to climbing and dancing on the table, scaling up the fridge, to climbing to the top of the changing table has occurred.  These minor incidents have caused my very heart to nearly stop on more than one occasion.

3) A clean house detector. Understand that my highly sensitive OCD nature needs to have the floors picked up, swept, and things somewhat organized. This has not been the case. I made need therapy after the discovery of a blackened Banana under the couch cushions.

4) Hidden Veggie Sensor. This has become quite alarming. The lack of food these little humans take in. It seems no matter what attempt is made the nutritional content is non-desired. They seem only to survive on Dinosaur shaped processed chicken and tiny Goldfish crackers- The latter resulting in crumbs being left on my side of the bed.

5) Internal WWE wrestling clock. This one of all things seems to be the most stressful and concerning. We’ve never allowed them to watch such things but it never fails- Once bed time draws near they have a desire to “Fight” but in a playful way. Sidenote: All fights lead to tears.

6) I have tried very hard to avoid this next one. But it never seems to fail. Once a week I find a rather bright art project has taken place on the walls of our home. All sharpies, markers, crayons are in the correct place out of reach and seem to have not been disturbed. I fear their little fingers may be producing these.

Doctor Marlow- I hope that you can expedite the proper training needed in order to address my fears on this issue as quickly as possible. I’m fearful for my health, well being, and psychological duress I seem to be encountering.

Your’s truly: A Tired Parent.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

Leave a Reply